Sunday, January 20, 2013

Cloudy With A Chance of Rain: Our Blessing



"…I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!” Malachi 3:10 NLT
There have been many challenges that my husband and I have faced during this adoption. The biggest, seemingly insurmountable one, was simply figuring out the way by which we would pay the adoption. We have considered taking out loans, getting second jobs, borrowing from our 401K etc. Most of those options were undesirable for us, since we wish to get out of debt instead of creating more. At the beginning of the year, we asked the Lord to help us do just that, by taking care of our student loans and other debts.
One viable option that we have researched was applying for a grant. After much research, we located some viable options. One grant that really appealed to us was through, JSC Foundation, a Christian adoption foundation. Before we applied for any grants, we had to have our home study approved. We started the home study process in January, with the paperwork etc. It seemed like it took forever to get the home study complete, which occurred in August. Being the person that I am, it is very hard for me to be patient and wait for the things that I want out of life. I am definitely one of those “go-getters,” who is not satisfied until my goals are met. Thus, this adoption has been painstaking at times, since I literally have no control over anything within this process. God truly has had to remind me that He has this whole thing under control and it is not me whose process it belongs too. Even as I am typing, that statement is profound. It truly makes you think about the many workings of God.
We applied for the JSC grant at the beginning of October and just prayed that we would be chosen. Any grant that one may apply for is extremely competitive, but adoption grants are even more so. There are so many people in need of adoption funding, but there are not enough monies available. We prayed daily that these monies would come through, because we did not see how we could raise the amount of money needed to move forward with the adoption, within a short period of time. We were at a standstill.
Though our life and emotions seemed to be in a state of uncertainty, being able to just stand still is just what God instructed us to do. Psalms 46:10 says just that; “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth” KJV. Another translation states, “Let go [of your concerns]! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth” God’s Word Translation. These texts are a simple reminder of Who is in control. He truly holds our lives in the palm of His trustworthy hands.
After going through that “mountaintop” experience on last week (see last post), I truly knew that God was about to do something miraculous in our lives. I just didn’t know when or how. Beginning at the church service last week, when the pastor spoke directly about my life experience and to my heart, there were many affirmations, that God was moving in our lives in a big way. I ran into one of my friends on Monday, with whom I used to work and happens to be of the same faith. During the semester, I had the opportunity to share with her, the reasons why we chose adoption and my years of struggling with reproductive dysfunction.
I told her about my experience at church two days prior. Since she belongs to that particular church, she was there that day. She told me she was sitting two rows behind me. As the pastor began preaching and introduced the title, she said to herself “Wow, God is talking about her [me].” I was taken aback by her comment and the waterworks almost began again. It is one thing to know that God is talking to you directly, but it is absolutely amazing when He affirms your personal message by using someone else. That is just how the Holy Spirit works. Being fallible humans means that sometimes the message may get misinterpreted or we may doubt that the Lord is even talking to us at all. So God was like, “In case you missed it…” I was once again speechless.
As the week continued, so many other events occurred that let me know God was doing something behind the scenes. The capstone of the week was on Thursday evening when I checked my email. I had just gotten home after a busy work week and sat at my desk. I opened my email and then to my surprise I saw “Congratulations … You have been awarded $10,000 for your adoption.” I absolutely screamed and my husband dashed in, concerned, thinking something horrible had happened. He asked if someone had died or something else devastating, because my scream was blood curdling. I couldn’t answer, due to sobs. These were tears of overwhelming joy. I could not utter any words for several moments except, “Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.” There are absolutely no words to explain the joy we both felt. I was left totally speechless, while my husband could not stop dancing and shouting.
It is all about God’s timing and not mine. You see my vision was clouded by doubt and worry because I could not see what God was doing. This journey is truly building our faith. God is awesome and I am still astounded at what He has done. He has truly opened up the storehouse and poured us out a blessing! Can’t wait to see how He works everything else out in our behalf!
(Repost November 17, 2012)

Deferred Hope: While We Wait




“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 NIV

I was sitting in church yesterday, overwhelmed with emotion. I was doing my best to keep my composure. Before the preacher even began to deliver his message, the text he read was the first chapter of 1 Samuel, which talks about Hannah and her experience with infertility. The sermon was entitled Hannah’s Song. I was already having a hard time this weekend, because this waiting thing is so difficult at times. As soon as I heard the title, my emotions welled up within me and were about to overflow. Crying is therapeutic, but I think it would become one of those deep guttural sobs, that I prefer to occur within the confines of my home. My husband and I were not even going to go to that particular church, but somehow ended up at one.
As of lately, I have been feeling this void within my heart, for my child (ren). The desire to become a mother is so intense and real, but it is hard to have no physical evidence that my dream will be realized within a few months. There are no ultrasound pics to view or fetal kicks to sense. Instead, our lives have been filled with paperwork, check writing, and constant prayer.
During the week, I try to keep myself emotionally together by becoming involved in my work. I try to be positive and encouraging towards my students and those I come in contact with. Little do they know that just under the surface is a woman who desires more than riches, gold, or fame to hold the child that God has for us. I am truly in a vulnerable state, at this portion of our adoption.
At the beginning of our marriage, my hubby and I had this “five-year plan” before we expanded our family. We wanted to travel, pursue our education, and just grow in our relationship as husband and wife. We had planned on using adoption as one of our methods for family expansion, perhaps after we had a biological child or two. We even talked about adopting, even if I had issues getting pregnant altogether. When God asked us to adopt last April, I initially struggled with the idea, because it was not the way my hubby and I had planned. We had planned on pursuing fertility testing and treatment in order to conceive. In my mind it was going to be like a “trial run” to see if I could conceive, since we already knew that I had some serious barriers to natural conception (PCOS/Endometriosis). It was evident that God wanted us to adopt first or as our primary method of family expansion.
In September of this year we met that five-year goal, which was an absolutely amazing time for us. I have been patiently waiting for this opportunity to become a mom and now it seems that we must continue to wait. All in all, adoption has always been on our radar, but who knew it was such a challenging process. I never could have ascertained the amount of faith that is required. When the preacher got up to speak yesterday, I felt as if he was pointing directly at me. From the pew I felt exposed, naked, vulnerable. It was as if my inner feelings and struggles were evident to the a sea of bodies around me.
Part of me wanted to get up and leave, to save myself the embarrassment of my makeup smudging or bloodshot eyes. As I reflect on my response, the truth of the matter is that this is often how humanity deals with God. For the past few weeks I have been praying fervently that God would take care of every single element of our adoption, such as the timing, finances, gender, health of our child, number of children etc. Truly, I have not really relinquished everything over to Him. I often find myself trying to plan out things that I have no control over. “How can I take off for maternity leave if the baby comes in the middle of the semester? ” or “What will do if don’t get an adoption grant?” These are two examples of the many questions that often bombard my mind, during my downtime.
It is evident that God spoke to me in a clear audible voice, through the pastor yesterday. I am still confounded and know that God brought us there. From the very fact that we were at the early service at the church we frequent and then had to leave because there were no seats left. It was evident that He had a message tailor-made for me.
While taking a religion class in college, I learned this acronym called coined by my professor, called F.A.I.T.H. It stands for Falling Aimlessly Into Trustworthy Hands. I have never forgotten it to this day. I believe that I am standing on the edge of the precipice that is my blessing. It is so deep the bottom cannot be found and so wide no measuring device can ascertain it. The key here is that I must take that leap of faith and allow God to take the reins of my life and adoption. That is something so hard for someone like me, who wants to plan every detail of my life. I truly believe that I am at a turning point in this process. It is called full surrender. God led us to hear that message because He wants to bless us and I cannot wait to see the end product. I believe that my dream will be fulfilled, in God’s timing! God bless

Nesting

Image

I have been so busy lately with work, that I haven’t found a window of time to blog, which I have sincerely missed. Well, the hubby and I are just playing the waiting game to see how God is going to work in our behalf, regarding our adoption, namely with the financing. At the beginning of our journey, last April, God asked us to adopt. And we answered, “Sure… but how?” concerning the financing. Up to this point God has seriously provided for all of our financial needs, literally down to the last red cent. We have done everything that we physically could do to raise money, and continue to do so. In addition, we have applied for a grant through a Christian adoption foundation (JSC Foundation). As they are reviewing our application, we have been praying every single day that we are one of the few couples chosen. No matter the outcome, I know that the Lord is going to bless, because we are only fulfilling the request He made of us. It is a serious journey of faith.
In the meantime, while we wait, I have had the overwhelming need to get ready for our little one(s). Amazon, Target, Wal-Mart, Ebay, Etsy, and my favorite local thrift store have become my favorite stores for baby stuff. Amazon has especially been amazing since I have Amazon Prime, my stuff has gotten to the house superfast. Thus far we have been able obtain the following, since last December:
A crib, mattress, and changing table set
Sheets
Bottles
Pacifiers
Stroller (A convertible stroller that can accommodate one or two)
High Chair
A co-sleeper
Car Seat

I have been able to find all of these at a steal. God has really blessed us in this way, because we are truly trying to save money and all of these treasures were marked down or far below their retail price and most of the items are brand new! In addition to these items, I have committed myself to sewing a quilt for my little bitty and am almost done. I chose to sew the quilt, because I am a real DIYer and could not find what I was looking for in any store. This project has been a true learning experience for a sewing novice like myself. I started this summer and have found that this quilting project has made my sewing skills improve. I have learned from my mishaps and am hopefully on the way to becoming a seamstress like my nana.
Sincerely,
An excited mommy-to-be

(Repost November 7, 2012)

Hurry Up and Slow Down...The Process




School is back in session, which explains the lapse in my blog. Many things have occurred behind the scenes. For the past few months, my sweetie and I have been working on and have completed our home study (YAY!!!). This process was very long and at times tedious (collecting papers, going to the doctor for labs, FBI clearance…and the list goes on). Sometimes it seemed like we had to rush to get certain documents in quickly, to avoid a long wait period (FBI and DHR clearances). At other times, like now, I am just twiddling my thumbs just waiting to move forward. All in all, I know God has an expected end for us and it will turn out beautifully!
After completing the interview process with our wonderful social worker, from Agape of North Alabama, we selected an adoption agency and then applied. We chose West Sands Adoption. We did a lot of research during our selection process. We wanted an agency who was ethical and had a Christian stance. We just received several copies of our home study, so the next steps will be more fundraising and then submitting the dossier to Ethiopia. Also, we were approved for “up to two children; either gender,” which we are really excited about! I am hoping for a sibling set or even twins!!! We know whomever God chooses to give us will be the perfect fit. As you can tell by all of the exclamation points in this post, I am absolutely overjoyed, like any expectant parent! TTYL
( Repost Sept 2, 2012)

It's a Boy! It's a Girl!?





It’s been a while since I have had the opportunity to blog, but I have finally made the time to do so (since it is Christmas break). Since the last time I posted there have been some minor developments, such as the preparing for our home study. We have been in contact with our social worker and have finally gathered all the mounds of paperwork necessary for this home evaluation. We are scheduled to meet with our social worker, Marci on next week. While I am excited to be this far in the journey, I also wonder what sorts of things are involved in this home study (like, “Are they really going to be walking around my house and looking in every nook and cranny?”).
One issue that we have been considering is our future child’s gender, which we have been grappling over. For the longest time I always thought I wanted to have a son as my firstborn and then perhaps a girl later. As time progresses and I am plotting out our nursery decor, all I can think about is pink! I believe God is leading us towards adopting a girl, but we are still praying about making the right decision. We’ll just have to wait and see what the Lord wants us to do. Either way, we will be happy.

(Repost From December 22, 2011)

Flutters of Joy



Today I awakened with a wellspring of joy! After creating this blog last night, adoption has become tangible and is no longer a distant abstract concept that is unattainable. In nursing school I remember learning about the various stages of development of the fetus during gestation, like when the heart develops or when a baby is able to hear his mother’s voice for the first time. Another concept that I also remember is the sensation pregnant mothers feel early on in their gestation called “quickening.” Quickening is often described as a fluttering sensation within the uterus, felt in relation to a baby’s movements. As an adoptive mom (this is the first time I am saying this!) I have experienced a type of “quickening” of another sort. This quickening occurs in relation to the joy that is elicited by thoughts of our baby. Every time I think about him or her I simply cannot help but smile. I notice the “fluttering” that occurs in my heart, which skips a beat. It is evident that becoming a mother does not solely consist of physiological changes.
Though I realize there may be no physical evidences that a little one will be soon joining us, motherhood seems to manifest itself in many other ways. After my husband and I decided to adopt and began making plans, two of my co-workers asked me if I were expecting. I said no, but perhaps should have said yes. When I asked them why, they responded, “… You are glowing!” Perhaps there are physical manifestations after all!
(Repost from November 12, 2011)

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11


 
One of my greatest passions in life is to travel. I’ve seen the United States almost from sea to shining sea. Monumental landmarks, such as the Statue of Liberty or the seals of the Pacific coast have filled my camera’s lens and my mental scrapbook. From the breathtaking deep cyan colored mountains of Jamaica or the pink sandy beaches of Bermuda, travel is a bug that has infested my body and I am now “travel sick.” It is something I desire and dream about whenever my mind is allowed to wander. I used to imagine my husband and I traveling to the most remote destination, so we could trek through the rainforests of the Amazon, blaze trails through the Sahara desert, or relax in the untouched beauty of Patagonia. All these desires still remain, but one desire has transcended or even suppressed all of my previous wants. I now wish to embark on a new quest that will forever change our lives and our hearts… to Ethiopia. This is our adoption story!
(Repost from November 12, 2011)